After a glimmer of hope, a period of peace, and a chapter that announced itself as the “light at the end of the tunnel”, a storm begins to gather. Disaster, not yet materialized, has announced itself. It could threaten everything I’ve built. It could destroy the rewards I fought so hard to receive and only tasted for a short time. A gathering storm is approaching, and I must prepare for its wrath.

Two sides of me struggle to define this reality:

The optimist:

“NO. Bad things are not going to happen. You are conspiring to think that nothing will ever go your way, and catastrophe will follow you everywhere. You are addicted to believing that you will never be able to build a good life, that you must fear everything, and that you are nothing more than a pawn at the mercy of the circumstances.

You want to believe that nothing you build will ever last. You are telling yourself that your life is marred by chaos beyond your control because you cannot accept that it is in your power to build and enjoy good things. You refuse to believe that life can also be peaceful, joyful, and rewarding. You are insisting on seeing life as disastrous, but that is your problem, not life’s.

Whatever is happening will work itself out. The gathering storm will never gather, and your rays of sunshine are not being threatened. You are simply being tested: are you ready to accept life’s blessings? Or do you still think that life is out to get you? Are you ready to have faith and trust that everything is going to be alright?”

The realist:

“YES. Something is going to happen. When you look back on this day, you will realize that the small pocket of bliss you were recently living through was only a break. It was a pause intended to strengthen you for the next battle. The storm will gather, and it will be bigger. It will be more challenging and confusing than anything you have faced before. You will look back and say: “boy, I had no idea what I was in for”.

Of course, after all the pain, you will come out on top. It could be years, but you will eventually reach the promise land you thought you had reached just yesterday.

You might have been wrong, but you are also strong, capable and ready. It will be unpleasant. It will be rough and there will be times where you’ll think that you’re done and your entire outlook could take a turn for the worst. You will be angry and you will be confused and you will not like it.

But you will find the light again. You will realize what the storm was about why you had to go through it. You will realize, as you have before, that the storms are what give you your strength, your peace, and your blessings. They are what help you do what you want to do better. They are what give you the knowledge and motivation you need to build great things. You will meet new people, face exciting obstacles, and when you reach the end you will be grateful for the doom that you so dread on this very moment”.

So, which is it? Is it something that looks bad but turns out to be nothing? Or a real storm that will shake me and end up pushing me forward? There is no way for me to know.

I can’t choose one or the other because I don’t want to change my mind if I end up being wrong. I don’t want to build myself up for a harmless obstacle and have it be a storm. I don’t want to build myself up for a storm and have it be a harmless obstacle. I just want to understand why life has brought another dark wall onto my path.

I want life to explain (for I know that I will understand) why I must face this and what I will get out of it.

Maybe this isn’t an obstacle, maybe it’s one of those important rewards that sometimes come with questionable wrapping. Maybe it’s one of those important challenges I try to avoid not knowing that they will result in exactly what I was hoping for.

I don’t really know anything at this point. Maybe it’s a gathering storm. Maybe it’s a gathering rainbow. Maybe it’s both. Maybe it’s neither. I can’t know and I can’t guess and I can’t do anything about it.

When I finally sit down and meditate, I can remember the most important truth of all. It is a truth that I love to forget:

“Life always knows what I need much better than I do.”

I don’t need to have faith in that statement. I don’t need to believe it blindly or hope that I end up being right. I have seen it myself. I have faced obstacles that turned out to be blessings. I have had doors shut in my face that I later became glad I never walked through. I have had storms in the past, and they always turned out to be exactly what I needed, and exactly what was necessary for me to move forward in the right direction.

Every storm has brought me good things. Every storm has pushed me to improve myself, the world around me, and the future we will all be living in.

Every storm allowed me to focus on the right path, the right goals, and the right attitude.

Every storm came right when I was getting complacent, right when I was ready to sit down and let things work themselves out because they looked good enough to improve on their own.

And the wisdom of life has been with me every step of the way. It has held me when I needed it most and swept in from the shadows to deliver perfectly tailored messages at unbelievably precise times. It knows what it’s doing, and I don’t have to doubt it anymore.

My perspective is limited, and it’s easy to forget that life always gives me the best things I could ever hope for (even when it doesn’t feel that way).

Life always helps me work with it. Life always pushes me to walk the best path. Life always makes me a warrior, and it never lets me down.

I must understand that my dreams are human and the life’s are divine. My goals are imperfect and the life’s are glorious. Life knows what she’s doing, and her plan is much bigger than I could ever attempt to understand.

I don’t really know what makes me happy, life does.
I don’t really know where I want to go, life does.
I don’t really know who I am, life does.

So I trust life, for she’s done a damn good job of getting me exactly where I am.

Thank you, life. I love you, I trust you, and I don’t know where I would be without you. I think about your beautiful patterns and serendipities every day. I want you to do whatever it is that you need to do with me.

I want you to bring me whatever storms I need. I want you to help me remember when I forget. I want you to help me share with someone who has forgot.

Help me grow, help me change, and help me get to wherever it is that you need me to go.